"That really hurt me, Amy"
There are no words quite like these. These words quickly bring up my defenses, quickly resurrect all the pride I have ever had, quickly remind me that I am the most horrible person who ever lived (and nobody will ever love me and I'll never be able to fix myself), and at the same time they quickly make me aware that I am deeply loved.
Do you know the feeling? One part flesh trying to elevate, one part evil trying to destroy, and one part love trying to restore.
I am prone to forgetting that last part. It seems like I hurt people all the time and that is infinitely frustrating. I don't say things the way that I mean to, or I say them exactly like I mean to and am just surprised people know what meant. (Or embarrassed that I meant that...) My "funny" and "cruel" sometimes toe the same line, I'm not beyond completely ignoring a friend in favor of an eligible man, and I think out loud... I don't have to tell you all the ways I hurt people. You're a person and I'm sure I've hurt you.
But I'll be honest with you - at the very core of me, I want to love fully. I want my pride to die, I want to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn and never do anything that hurts anyone. I'm acutely aware that even if there was no fault on my end, I would still hurt others. But I hope to, as much as it depends on me, minimize the hurt that I cause.
How does that happen? By listening to the Holy Spirit, by obeying God's commands, and by truly, deeply listening to the "That really hurt me"s that come along. Because those are the people who love me. Those are the people who take the hurt and move TOWARD me instead of away.
There are tons of lessons in conflict/hurt resolution, but the one that I've been struck by lately is how much courage it takes to be hurt and move toward the one who hurt you. It takes courage to believe that the one who hurt you loves you and wants to face this tension in hopes of moving further into relationship with you. It is so much easier to resent. It is so much easier to tell your other friend (or on your more Godly days, your mom) how horribly you were treated. It is so much easier to avoid that person in the grocery store or to withdraw from relationship.
I am amazed by how many courageous friends, mentors, family members, and acquaintances I have had over the years.
I want to be the kind of person who doesn't withdraw from hurt. I don't know about you, but I get hurt all the time. I hurt myself (picture the conversation that bully Amy and victim Amy are getting ready to have with each other...), I hurt others, and I am hurt by others on a near daily basis.
Lately I've seen how quickly healing can come even from deep wounds if someone is just willing to say those words.
"That really hurt me, but I love you and I want us to make this right."
Maybe that's where peace begins.
There are no words quite like these. These words quickly bring up my defenses, quickly resurrect all the pride I have ever had, quickly remind me that I am the most horrible person who ever lived (and nobody will ever love me and I'll never be able to fix myself), and at the same time they quickly make me aware that I am deeply loved.
Do you know the feeling? One part flesh trying to elevate, one part evil trying to destroy, and one part love trying to restore.
I am prone to forgetting that last part. It seems like I hurt people all the time and that is infinitely frustrating. I don't say things the way that I mean to, or I say them exactly like I mean to and am just surprised people know what meant. (Or embarrassed that I meant that...) My "funny" and "cruel" sometimes toe the same line, I'm not beyond completely ignoring a friend in favor of an eligible man, and I think out loud... I don't have to tell you all the ways I hurt people. You're a person and I'm sure I've hurt you.
But I'll be honest with you - at the very core of me, I want to love fully. I want my pride to die, I want to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn and never do anything that hurts anyone. I'm acutely aware that even if there was no fault on my end, I would still hurt others. But I hope to, as much as it depends on me, minimize the hurt that I cause.
How does that happen? By listening to the Holy Spirit, by obeying God's commands, and by truly, deeply listening to the "That really hurt me"s that come along. Because those are the people who love me. Those are the people who take the hurt and move TOWARD me instead of away.
There are tons of lessons in conflict/hurt resolution, but the one that I've been struck by lately is how much courage it takes to be hurt and move toward the one who hurt you. It takes courage to believe that the one who hurt you loves you and wants to face this tension in hopes of moving further into relationship with you. It is so much easier to resent. It is so much easier to tell your other friend (or on your more Godly days, your mom) how horribly you were treated. It is so much easier to avoid that person in the grocery store or to withdraw from relationship.
I am amazed by how many courageous friends, mentors, family members, and acquaintances I have had over the years.
I want to be the kind of person who doesn't withdraw from hurt. I don't know about you, but I get hurt all the time. I hurt myself (picture the conversation that bully Amy and victim Amy are getting ready to have with each other...), I hurt others, and I am hurt by others on a near daily basis.
Lately I've seen how quickly healing can come even from deep wounds if someone is just willing to say those words.
"That really hurt me, but I love you and I want us to make this right."
Maybe that's where peace begins.