Here's how it is, folks:
As some of you may know, I'm a recovering hypochondriac. Due to some external circumstances that I may mention below, I'm having a day where "recovering" is a bit of a stretch.
My hypochondria is something that I've learned to laugh at. I even played the role of my crazy alter ego in a play that we did in 10th grade. I know I'm crazy, and most days I can laugh at myself. But I am SURE, just sure, that I am going to die one of four ways:
1. Aneurysm - more specifically, one of the major blood vessels in my neck spontaneously....exploding. I credit this paranoia with the onset of my craziness. I think it all started when at the tender young age of 10 or so I watched Braveheart with Joey. All of a sudden, the girl's throat got slit and she just DIED. I realized how very easy it is to just...die. Parents, I fully condone censorship of your own children. My parents did too, but I snuck in that movie AND Grease without them catching me in time. I think I regret that.
Anyways, after the paranoia set in, I had to start checking my pulse EVERY time I had any level of sensation in my neck. I was completely consumed with that. My siblings will tell you that one night while visiting my aunt, I woke up in the middle of the night, sat up in bed, screamed "I. HAVE. NO. PULSE!!!!" and ran upstairs to find my mom so she could save me from my imminent death. Yes, it is ridiculous now. No, it was NOT funny then. It wasn't funny for years. I am 98% certain I am going to die of an aneurysm. Probably not today though.
2. Brain Tumor - I think everyone actually has this fear. When you get a bad headache, don't you take a second and just...wonder? I have no shame that this is on my list. I am 72% certain that I actually have a brain tumor and people are going to feel bad when they find out I've been right all along.
Little Henry boy ACTUALLY having a brain tumor does nothing good for my dormant hypochondria.
3. - Skin cancer - Wait, I'm pale. This is not hypochondria, this is sensible. I check my skin all the time and I have so many funky spots. The doctor said they are all fine, but I'm pretty sure she needs to go back to school. My strange skin spots are all cancer and I know it. I am 100% certain that I'll get skin cancer at some point. I'm also 100% certain that I'll catch it early, due to my....hyper-aware-ness.
4. Blood Clot - This is what I have today. Yes, I did sit indian style in a lounge chair for 5 hours straight this morning without moving a muscle. Yes, that does normally lead to my legs falling asleep. BUT my right leg hasn't come back to full functioning. It is heavy, and then I remember deep vein thrombosis. My mom told me of this when I was younger.
Am I heavy? Check.
Was I sitting in the same position for too long, with decreased blood circulation? Check.
Am I taking a medication that has an itsy bitsy risk of blood clots? Check.
Did my friend's sister just die of a blood clot at a young, healthy age? Check.
As you can see, I'm crazy, but I'm an educated kind of crazy. :) I am about 92% certain that I am going to die of a blood clot. Possibly in the next week.
I also have an irrational fear of choking/other people choking, but that's a whole different story.
Time to say goodbye. Either because I'm going to die and you'll never hear from me again, or because recovering Amy will take back over this body and the crazy girl will once again get locked up in the dark recesses of my mind.
Here's to hoping she goes away soon.
As some of you may know, I'm a recovering hypochondriac. Due to some external circumstances that I may mention below, I'm having a day where "recovering" is a bit of a stretch.
My hypochondria is something that I've learned to laugh at. I even played the role of my crazy alter ego in a play that we did in 10th grade. I know I'm crazy, and most days I can laugh at myself. But I am SURE, just sure, that I am going to die one of four ways:
1. Aneurysm - more specifically, one of the major blood vessels in my neck spontaneously....exploding. I credit this paranoia with the onset of my craziness. I think it all started when at the tender young age of 10 or so I watched Braveheart with Joey. All of a sudden, the girl's throat got slit and she just DIED. I realized how very easy it is to just...die. Parents, I fully condone censorship of your own children. My parents did too, but I snuck in that movie AND Grease without them catching me in time. I think I regret that.
Anyways, after the paranoia set in, I had to start checking my pulse EVERY time I had any level of sensation in my neck. I was completely consumed with that. My siblings will tell you that one night while visiting my aunt, I woke up in the middle of the night, sat up in bed, screamed "I. HAVE. NO. PULSE!!!!" and ran upstairs to find my mom so she could save me from my imminent death. Yes, it is ridiculous now. No, it was NOT funny then. It wasn't funny for years. I am 98% certain I am going to die of an aneurysm. Probably not today though.
2. Brain Tumor - I think everyone actually has this fear. When you get a bad headache, don't you take a second and just...wonder? I have no shame that this is on my list. I am 72% certain that I actually have a brain tumor and people are going to feel bad when they find out I've been right all along.
Little Henry boy ACTUALLY having a brain tumor does nothing good for my dormant hypochondria.
3. - Skin cancer - Wait, I'm pale. This is not hypochondria, this is sensible. I check my skin all the time and I have so many funky spots. The doctor said they are all fine, but I'm pretty sure she needs to go back to school. My strange skin spots are all cancer and I know it. I am 100% certain that I'll get skin cancer at some point. I'm also 100% certain that I'll catch it early, due to my....hyper-aware-ness.
4. Blood Clot - This is what I have today. Yes, I did sit indian style in a lounge chair for 5 hours straight this morning without moving a muscle. Yes, that does normally lead to my legs falling asleep. BUT my right leg hasn't come back to full functioning. It is heavy, and then I remember deep vein thrombosis. My mom told me of this when I was younger.
Am I heavy? Check.
Was I sitting in the same position for too long, with decreased blood circulation? Check.
Am I taking a medication that has an itsy bitsy risk of blood clots? Check.
Did my friend's sister just die of a blood clot at a young, healthy age? Check.
As you can see, I'm crazy, but I'm an educated kind of crazy. :) I am about 92% certain that I am going to die of a blood clot. Possibly in the next week.
I also have an irrational fear of choking/other people choking, but that's a whole different story.
Time to say goodbye. Either because I'm going to die and you'll never hear from me again, or because recovering Amy will take back over this body and the crazy girl will once again get locked up in the dark recesses of my mind.
Here's to hoping she goes away soon.