Lately I've been spending a good bit of time considering humility. This has led to an increase in my prayers that God would grant me a clear vision of who Jesus is - of what He really means, and that this would lead to greater humility in me. Not pretend humility because we know that's what we should do, not self debasement, but simply the proper perspective - converted to action through a transformed nature.
Shocker, but this has just led to a whole lot of embarrassment on my part. I am reminded every 5 seconds of just how proud I am, and how far short I come of loving people the way that Jesus, Mr. Humility himself, would love people. I am so quick to judge, so quick to compare, so quick to assert, to defend, to correct, and to put myself and my interests first.
So today was embarrassing. After several hours of thought last night on all of the ways I am utterly lacking in humility, I prayed that God would humble me.
I woke up slowly and miserably this morning. You all know the feeling. But I got my act together and got up and started to get ready.
The shirt I wanted to wear did NOT fit. I gained more weight? Really? Pride started to kick in. Rattle through your list of excuses, judge all skinny people for how they don't know what it's really like, go eat a cookie just to prove you aren't upset.
Dang it. Pride? At 6:30 am, alone in my own house? Not cool.
I put on another outfit, prayed for humility in that area of my life (whatever THAT is supposed to look like), and moved on.
To find my car battery free. Yes, someone stole my battery right out of my car. Why? Well, probably because they are a drug addict looking to get a high from the acid or to sell it to score something else. But also because my gate key battery died (a month ago) and I've been too lazy to get it replaced. And then, after the first time my locked car got robbed I decided I am too proud to give in to fear and so I refuse to lock my car doors. That also may be laziness.
So, my laziness, stupidity, short-sightedness (I honestly didn't even consider the idea of someone stealing car parts...) and general lack of humility hit me again. And this time it hurt. It took until 12:43 for the car rental company to come replace my battery, judge me for not locking my car, and give me a horrifically huge bill. My pride kicked in, and I started to brainstorm ways I could tell what happened without having to admit that I'm an idiot who didn't lock her doors. I prayed for more humility, and possibly a little bit of grace as I made it through this day.
Since I was already super late for work, I decided to stop by a fruit stand and get some apples. I figured I could pass them out to some hungry people. Or maybe my bad morning would get me to work at the right time to really bless someone....or....
For the first time in my life, nobody has asked me for anything today.
Pride? Oh yea.
Oh hey, I can help people? Nope.
Ouch.
So I have a huge box of apples if anyone wants some pie...
If you need me, I'll be sitting in my flat considering the depths of my really proud heart. You know, the one that makes me hate the girl that a crush laughs with or smiles at, or that makes me bitter toward the girl whose carefree nature proves she's never been trampled, or that makes me defend a mistake to the ruin of a friendship rather than admit failure...the list goes on and on.
I'll also be eating a ton of apples and dreading tomorrow's "orientation" that I scheduled at the gym I joined on my way home from work. Right after I got my gate battery replaced.
Humility admits defeat.
Yes, folks, humility may be the death of me. In fact, I'm quite hoping that it is...
Shocker, but this has just led to a whole lot of embarrassment on my part. I am reminded every 5 seconds of just how proud I am, and how far short I come of loving people the way that Jesus, Mr. Humility himself, would love people. I am so quick to judge, so quick to compare, so quick to assert, to defend, to correct, and to put myself and my interests first.
So today was embarrassing. After several hours of thought last night on all of the ways I am utterly lacking in humility, I prayed that God would humble me.
I woke up slowly and miserably this morning. You all know the feeling. But I got my act together and got up and started to get ready.
The shirt I wanted to wear did NOT fit. I gained more weight? Really? Pride started to kick in. Rattle through your list of excuses, judge all skinny people for how they don't know what it's really like, go eat a cookie just to prove you aren't upset.
Dang it. Pride? At 6:30 am, alone in my own house? Not cool.
I put on another outfit, prayed for humility in that area of my life (whatever THAT is supposed to look like), and moved on.
To find my car battery free. Yes, someone stole my battery right out of my car. Why? Well, probably because they are a drug addict looking to get a high from the acid or to sell it to score something else. But also because my gate key battery died (a month ago) and I've been too lazy to get it replaced. And then, after the first time my locked car got robbed I decided I am too proud to give in to fear and so I refuse to lock my car doors. That also may be laziness.
So, my laziness, stupidity, short-sightedness (I honestly didn't even consider the idea of someone stealing car parts...) and general lack of humility hit me again. And this time it hurt. It took until 12:43 for the car rental company to come replace my battery, judge me for not locking my car, and give me a horrifically huge bill. My pride kicked in, and I started to brainstorm ways I could tell what happened without having to admit that I'm an idiot who didn't lock her doors. I prayed for more humility, and possibly a little bit of grace as I made it through this day.
Since I was already super late for work, I decided to stop by a fruit stand and get some apples. I figured I could pass them out to some hungry people. Or maybe my bad morning would get me to work at the right time to really bless someone....or....
For the first time in my life, nobody has asked me for anything today.
Pride? Oh yea.
Oh hey, I can help people? Nope.
Ouch.
So I have a huge box of apples if anyone wants some pie...
If you need me, I'll be sitting in my flat considering the depths of my really proud heart. You know, the one that makes me hate the girl that a crush laughs with or smiles at, or that makes me bitter toward the girl whose carefree nature proves she's never been trampled, or that makes me defend a mistake to the ruin of a friendship rather than admit failure...the list goes on and on.
I'll also be eating a ton of apples and dreading tomorrow's "orientation" that I scheduled at the gym I joined on my way home from work. Right after I got my gate battery replaced.
Humility admits defeat.
Yes, folks, humility may be the death of me. In fact, I'm quite hoping that it is...