Something I've learned in my life - being a woman of God is significantly easier than being a woman esteemed by the world.
Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you why. :)
Friday I speak to the youth about that, and I'd love your prayers. It will go down about 2:30 EST, if you are curious.
While on the subject of prayers, I could certainly use some. Primarily for discernment in knowing how to respond to the physical needs that I encounter countless times every day. Going from Blacksburg to a place where I encounter beggars at most intersections, every shop, and at my door (home and office) has been very challenging. I find myself giving generously to everyone who asks, but I am often motivated by guilt over my blessings, a desire to avoid feeling bad later, or a desire to not look selfish. And giving may not always be the right option, even though I try to stick to food. I have been "marked" by several people, which just leads to frustration. And God doesn't like a frustrated giver.
Neither does my budget, actually.
Pray that I will have a cheerful attitude whenever I give (not just sometimes) and that I will know when to say no. It's all God's stuff/ money/time/etc., and so far I keep hearing "give to the one who asks of you", and "if you know the good you ought to do and do not to it, to you it is sin". God will have to come up with a new way of providing for my taxes and emergencies, but I guess that is something that I need to trust Him on.
Advice Welcome.
I would welcome your prayers as I adjust to new roles with Phambili. I want big things for that place, and I don't feel anything close to adequate for the task. Pray that I won't try to save the world, but that I will be adequate and will bring glory to God through what I do there.
Random Thoughts (Warning - I have a lot of them today):
- Selah + Christmas Music + a piano = my musical needs. I don't even want to talk about the things I would be willing to do in order to be able to have a piano in this country.
- After years of telling myself I would be like my mom and simply have hair that "fades", I think I have to finally admit that it is turning white at an alarming rate. I'm only 24. My hair is my only redeeming feature. Life is cruel.
- Similarly, I am afraid I am going to have to give up on my "I'd never dye my hair!" ambitions. I am officially going to take the color plunge once 5 people point out my decay. I'm at 1.
- Due to the fact that I am now officially on the decline, I'll probably never marry. Shame.
- I had a dream last night that I had giant holes growing in my teeth. It was quite a relief to wake up and move my tongue around without it getting stuck anywhere. I have a renewed brushing passion.
- Reading is my favorite thing to do now that internet is so expensive and I have to avoid food. You should try it.
- Why am I avoiding food? Well, everything makes me sick. Milk, cheese, wheat, oats, beef, boneless chicken (who knows), and carbonated anything. I've decided that my stomach is just being a bully. M&Ms go down JUST fine. So do oranges, bananas, pineapple, and peanut butter, but so far those are the only things I have proven don't make me want to cry. You'd THINK this would be good, diet wise. You'd be wrong. I have gained a ton of weight in the past two weeks (seriously, 14 pounds) even though I haven't been eating much at all. I also have no appetite. I am a bit worried about me....
- I went to the doctor today. I get to take antibiotics (which are notoriously evil to my tummy) because I got to get a UTI. Life is fun.
- I also got some other drugs, just for fun.
- I neglected to mention my food woes, the headache I've had for over a month, or any of the other symptoms of impending death that I've noticed. I'd rather go out quietly. I'm so brave. (Yes, I am a hypochondriac. No, I am probably not actually dying).
- Tonight I am dressing up like a princess and hanging out with my two Eastern Cape men. I look ridiculous and my dress is probably going to cause asphyxiation, but hey, what's a girl to do when her hair starts turning white at age 24?!
It is a really good thing that to be woman of God doesn't require me to meet the standards of the world. Today I am certainly falling short.